We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
