dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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