I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
