I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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