ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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