There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
im on a boat
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