I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
