nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
