I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
tell me about the eggs
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