you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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