I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
