He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
