I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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