I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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