You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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