It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
