things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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