Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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