I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sext me about skeletons
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
