So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
