I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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