carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
