it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
