He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
