Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
