What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
