I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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