Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
