you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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