she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
