I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
