no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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