My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
