Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
