i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
