the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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