just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My feet surprised me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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