I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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