Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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