Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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