why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
