She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
