Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
