sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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