Her vagina should come with caution tape.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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