I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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