Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What a dumb baby whore.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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