Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i drank out of a bidet.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
