I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my sisters under your porch take her home
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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