Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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