i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
