Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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