this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I came so hard my ears popped.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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