were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you would pick up someone in the library
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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