i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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