Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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