He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
